Gather round children to hear a true story of whimsy gone bad. 

As a teenager, the term slob wouldn't be sufficient to describe me. My car, my room, my backpack, my closet, my locker. Nothing was safe. I'd often lose things or have homework get ruined by an errant Diet Coke can. My mom had a sneaking suspicion that my locker may have been to blame. One day, on our way home from church, my mom pulled up to my high school. 

"What are we doing here?" I asked, thinking she forgot it was Sunday. 

She simply handed me a bucket containing rubber gloves, cleaning spray and a trash bag. 

In these days, at least in my small hometown, you could literally just access the open-air campus and your locker at literally any time of the day. Seems weird now. 

Anyways, it took me about 30 minutes, longer than it takes most people to clean an entire bathroom. My mom sat in the car, probably listening to Dr. Laura or something. She wouldn't help me, but she did pop out once to get some photos to document this occasion. 

I found all sorts of things in there. The most notable: a Ziploc baggie which had  once held a turkey sandwich that had literally turned to liquid. It had molded so entirely that it liquified. I think this anecdote isn't quite the "manic pixie dream girl" type of whimsical I'm going for, but it is what it is.  And what is that? Gross. Very, very gross.